Now we all have been through it, and we all have questioned it from time to time. Rather that be in our own time in front of the mirror, on our tear-stained pillows, or if we felt brave enough to ask a close friend for their opinion. We have asked questions, “Am I enough?”, “Why am I not enough?” or “Why can’t I-?” The list goes on and on.

Now here’s another thing that they say that makes us cringe when we hear it. “Learn to love yourself first!” or “You can’t love someone else if you can’t love yourself?” Yuck, makes you want to smack the person who says those things, no matter how right they could be.

Notice how I said, “could be.”

Now why do I say, “could be?” There are some of us that don’t believe that. When I say that it’s because when we first ask those questions, of the “whys” it’s because we do love, and we love ferociously. Ferociously enough to re-ask those questions as to why or what we did or didn’t do right for the person in question to not like us back. So, it’s not a question if we love ourselves or not but a question as to how to keep that confidence going when that other person does not except us for who we are.

So, here are 10 things that I tell myself or I tell my friends, when they are down, to tell themselves in the mirror, about “Self-love.” Then I’ll give an example of each one.

1. Tell yourself one thing that you love about your body?
2. What is your greatest strength? If you don’t know ask a close friend and build from that.
3. What are you most proud of?
4. When do you feel your most confident?
5. If you could pick a movie/book/song, which one do wish that you could live in and why?
6. What would you really want to hear from someone special?
7. What makes you the happiest, when you are at your lowest?
8. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be and how would you change it? and why?
9. What is something that you are really good at, in your opinion, and it doesn’t matter what other people think?
10. Does the person who hurt you, really matter within your life? If so, how and how far?

Now for the examples:

1. In the mirror, while naked, I know TMI, I tell myself that I do love my body. I look at every curve and I admire what my body does when I turn and what I have accomplished over the years.
2. My greatest strength is, I am sarcastic. The way I handle stress, pressure, angry people, or any other problematic situation, the outcome- someone always laughs. Rather that be me or the other party.
3. I am proud of a lot of things. The top of that list is my daughter, she is my greatest achievement, no matter how many grey hairs she gives me.
4. I am my most confident when I am all dolled up to go out with the girls. With being a single mom, I don’t get that many days off so when I get to actually dress up and go out to turn heads it feels great!
5. Well, I am a big book lover, and I have to say that I see myself in all my books that I read. I love it when the author puts the POV in first person.
6. If I were to hear from someone special, I would love to hear, “It was always you.”
7. At my lowest, I like to do two things, depending on the weather, seeing that I live in Ohio. On nice days I would ride my motorcycle and rainy days would I write my stories.
8. What would I change about me? I would change my hair, I wish it was longer and straighter.
9. Something that I am good at. I am good at listening to and understanding people. In truth I think I missed my calling as a psychiatrist.
10. This one was a hard lesson to learn and had taken years to obtain that lesson. I myself had to take a step back and ask myself does this person actually care anything about me? Do they do any of the three F’s for me? Do they Feed me? Do they Finance me? Do they F**- (You know Ladies)? If they don’t do none of the three, then they don’t matter.

In truth, there is nothing wrong with you so don’t ever think that there is. If you ever come across someone who makes you feel that you are less than your own worth. Then they are not even worth your time! It is as simple as that. Sure, you may have strong feelings for that person but imagine as to what could happen if those feelings were put to someone who actually valued your feelings in return.

Give those 10 “Self-love” remedies a try and repeat as often as possible. You are worth it and more.

Would you please stop going back to the people who hurt you! Because no matter how many times you forgive them, you are right back where you started. They know all your buttons. They know your next move before you do and even your next stop. You’ve removed them from your life before, this time let’s remove them permanently. You don’t need them anymore. You deserve people who won’t hurt you and who would be there for you, not to use you.

Now they will be persistent, like an annoying knock on the door but you can always choose not to answer it. Hopefully, this time around, you won’t open the door. Reason so, deep down, you already know that they will repeat their nonsense. Even though you secretly hope that they won’t, they will. It’s sort of like a broken record player. They will continue to do the same cycle and then the thing gets stuck on the same song. So, lets break off this tune and find another to play.

You deserve to be treated with respect and with honesty, not with trickery and deceit. With this continuous of beating your heart, you’re not giving it time to heal. When you continue to allow the people to disrespect you, you’re not only hurting yourself but giving them the idea that it’s ok to continue to hurt you. We don’t want this! Again, you don’t deserve it!

Now it’s time for the hard part. You have to learn to let these people go! You need to learn the difference between what’s good for us and what’s not. You need to look for people who make you happy, to be loved and feel like a whole person instead of half of one.

I believe in you, and I believe that you will know what to do after that. Do you know how I know? Because I know us, and I believe we deserve so much more!

So, Let’s go out and find it, shall we?

Love Always,

Me