Now we all have been through it, and we all have questioned it from time to time. Rather that be in our own time in front of the mirror, on our tear-stained pillows, or if we felt brave enough to ask a close friend for their opinion. We have asked questions, “Am I enough?”, “Why am I not enough?” or “Why can’t I-?” The list goes on and on.

Now here’s another thing that they say that makes us cringe when we hear it. “Learn to love yourself first!” or “You can’t love someone else if you can’t love yourself?” Yuck, makes you want to smack the person who says those things, no matter how right they could be.

Notice how I said, “could be.”

Now why do I say, “could be?” There are some of us that don’t believe that. When I say that it’s because when we first ask those questions, of the “whys” it’s because we do love, and we love ferociously. Ferociously enough to re-ask those questions as to why or what we did or didn’t do right for the person in question to not like us back. So, it’s not a question if we love ourselves or not but a question as to how to keep that confidence going when that other person does not except us for who we are.

So, here are 10 things that I tell myself or I tell my friends, when they are down, to tell themselves in the mirror, about “Self-love.” Then I’ll give an example of each one.

1. Tell yourself one thing that you love about your body?
2. What is your greatest strength? If you don’t know ask a close friend and build from that.
3. What are you most proud of?
4. When do you feel your most confident?
5. If you could pick a movie/book/song, which one do wish that you could live in and why?
6. What would you really want to hear from someone special?
7. What makes you the happiest, when you are at your lowest?
8. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be and how would you change it? and why?
9. What is something that you are really good at, in your opinion, and it doesn’t matter what other people think?
10. Does the person who hurt you, really matter within your life? If so, how and how far?

Now for the examples:

1. In the mirror, while naked, I know TMI, I tell myself that I do love my body. I look at every curve and I admire what my body does when I turn and what I have accomplished over the years.
2. My greatest strength is, I am sarcastic. The way I handle stress, pressure, angry people, or any other problematic situation, the outcome- someone always laughs. Rather that be me or the other party.
3. I am proud of a lot of things. The top of that list is my daughter, she is my greatest achievement, no matter how many grey hairs she gives me.
4. I am my most confident when I am all dolled up to go out with the girls. With being a single mom, I don’t get that many days off so when I get to actually dress up and go out to turn heads it feels great!
5. Well, I am a big book lover, and I have to say that I see myself in all my books that I read. I love it when the author puts the POV in first person.
6. If I were to hear from someone special, I would love to hear, “It was always you.”
7. At my lowest, I like to do two things, depending on the weather, seeing that I live in Ohio. On nice days I would ride my motorcycle and rainy days would I write my stories.
8. What would I change about me? I would change my hair, I wish it was longer and straighter.
9. Something that I am good at. I am good at listening to and understanding people. In truth I think I missed my calling as a psychiatrist.
10. This one was a hard lesson to learn and had taken years to obtain that lesson. I myself had to take a step back and ask myself does this person actually care anything about me? Do they do any of the three F’s for me? Do they Feed me? Do they Finance me? Do they F**- (You know Ladies)? If they don’t do none of the three, then they don’t matter.

In truth, there is nothing wrong with you so don’t ever think that there is. If you ever come across someone who makes you feel that you are less than your own worth. Then they are not even worth your time! It is as simple as that. Sure, you may have strong feelings for that person but imagine as to what could happen if those feelings were put to someone who actually valued your feelings in return.

Give those 10 “Self-love” remedies a try and repeat as often as possible. You are worth it and more.

Would you please stop going back to the people who hurt you! Because no matter how many times you forgive them, you are right back where you started. They know all your buttons. They know your next move before you do and even your next stop. You’ve removed them from your life before, this time let’s remove them permanently. You don’t need them anymore. You deserve people who won’t hurt you and who would be there for you, not to use you.

Now they will be persistent, like an annoying knock on the door but you can always choose not to answer it. Hopefully, this time around, you won’t open the door. Reason so, deep down, you already know that they will repeat their nonsense. Even though you secretly hope that they won’t, they will. It’s sort of like a broken record player. They will continue to do the same cycle and then the thing gets stuck on the same song. So, lets break off this tune and find another to play.

You deserve to be treated with respect and with honesty, not with trickery and deceit. With this continuous of beating your heart, you’re not giving it time to heal. When you continue to allow the people to disrespect you, you’re not only hurting yourself but giving them the idea that it’s ok to continue to hurt you. We don’t want this! Again, you don’t deserve it!

Now it’s time for the hard part. You have to learn to let these people go! You need to learn the difference between what’s good for us and what’s not. You need to look for people who make you happy, to be loved and feel like a whole person instead of half of one.

I believe in you, and I believe that you will know what to do after that. Do you know how I know? Because I know us, and I believe we deserve so much more!

So, Let’s go out and find it, shall we?

Love Always,

Me

Dear someone that could love me for me,

Some would say that I am picky, some think I am a prude. Even heartless as well or, maybe just not interesting. Maybe even hard to love. A lot even say that I am hard to get along with??? I’m trying to figure that one out because I have many people approach me asking me for advice or to simply talk, so I don’t know about that one. Intimidating to some and occasionally a royal B!T#H. That I’m not pretty enough or I don’t apply myself every day to look pretty. I’m too uptight and need to loosen up. To wear clothes that will show more skin.

So, I may be old fashion in a way that others my age or younger could call me a prude but it’s just me, knowing what I want and know what I won’t tolerate. I think it’s called boundaries.

Yes, I prefer to be single until someone approaches me with a brain. Sure, people have pasts that they are not proud of but at least I changed mine to where it will not continue to keep me stuck in my own. I will not blame my Ex’s for my past traumas, I will move on so I wouldn’t pass it out to the next person.

So, what am I looking for, if I am not what People think I am from list above.

Well, my check list is this:

• Someone who is not arrogant

• someone who I can talk/connect to

• someone who challenges me to be a better person

• someone who is loyal

• someone who is honest

• I would like someone who isn’t intimidated by me or my forwardness

Notice how I didn’t say anything about physical characteristics. Sure, I would love to have a guy who is taller than me with light colored eyes, dark hair and skin with broad shoulders. But unfortunately looks fade and all we are left with, is the persons soul.

That could be the reason as to why I don’t apply myself. I would like someone to notice me for me. Especially for when we meet for our first date. Now I would dress up nicely, like knockout, wow! Come in with style! Well at least to me, I would look amazing!

I think I am waiting for something different but something spectacular, like a book character or a movie character. Yes, I know those guys aren’t real but still, even those characters have to come from somewhere?

I do hope that if we do meet, I hope that you will be patient with me. For right now, I’ll wait.

Sincerely the lonely side that won’t shut up.

Dear me,

Why are you still confused as to what you want to do? Are you still afraid of failing? Afraid of trying something new? Are you afraid of our own time management skills?

The question is why? Why are we afraid to do the things we want to do? What we need to do?

For the longest time we’ve been wanting something different, something fulfilling but at the same time a profitable fulfillment to take care of our daughter properly. But what?

We wanted to go and do so many things but had no courage in doing it or even finish it. Because we are afraid of failure, of embarrassment?

We just need the encouragement to do it and get through it. We have the support, it’s just us not understanding the process. We get flustered and then we freak out and give up on ourselves.

We’ll let me just say this, we have to stop this process. We have to start believing in ourselves to actually do what we encourage so many around us to do.

We are capable of doing so much more, we just let fear get the best of us. This needs to stop! Cause we both know we are smart. We are always asking questions because we don’t’ always get it the first time. Which is fine, we learn differently, everybody learns differently. So, we are not alone. We learn to adapt.

I also know how stubborn we can be too. When someone says, ‘no don’t do that’, we end up doing it anyways. So, let’s try to imply it to learning new things.

Let’s find the courage to try something new and finish what we started.

If you get overwhelmed, take a step back, take a breather then come back at it at a different angle. This is what we will try differently this round.

I believe in us. Let’s prove to the people who doubt us that we can do whatever we want and can achieve our goals, our dreams.

We can do this!

Believe in yourself.

Love,

Yourself.

Dear me,

Recently you’ve been questioning yourself about your friendship status. You even questioned about if you are even good friends anymore.

Well, let’s stop that thinking right now. If your intention was only to look out for the other person, then you are not a bad person or friend. People will be people, and you cannot control anybody. Thats a toxic trait to have, so don’t do that.

Let people live their own lives. Let them travel down a road of either a lesson of destruction or a blessing.

You may lose a friend in the process but as long as you are honest and sincere about your opinion, then maybe it’s for the best. Think about it, if you’re being honest to your best friend and they are offended then that’s on the not on you. Best friends are supposed to back each other up, protect each other, to be honest when no one will be honest to them, “respectful” to one another. You all know what I mean when I say respectful.

Now if only one side is trying and the other party is distant then, my friend, your friendship is over. I am sorry to say, but it is.

Just remember, this is not the end of the world, it may hurt like a kidney stone or a punch to the gut, but I promise it will pass. Just wish them well and be true to it and don’t forget to forgive them. Otherwise, you’d take your hurt or anger out on the next potential friend.

Don’t allow them to be disrespectful towards you. More importantly don’t be disrespectful to them. You don’t want to stoop down to their level of pettiness.

If you were meant to be friends, then nothing would come between the two of you. That means no girlfriend/ boyfriend, job, family etc, could ever pull you two apart.

Now, I know you are thinking of the past that the two of you had. Keep the good memories and don’t dwell on the guilt of losing that particular friend. Like I mentioned before, if you two are real best friends all of these feelings wouldn’t happen in the first place.

I’m not talking about one fight, I’m talking about many fights that don’t get resolved, even if you haven’t talked in years.

Mine ended because I got tired of it being one sided and being used then forgotten, when I wasn’t needed anymore. But this is a story for a different time.

All I ask is, just be true to yourself, have good intentions and keep your head up. Remember there are other people who would appreciate you being their friend, simply by being you.

Be kind to yourself,

Love me.

Dear me,

You need to just keep going. Hard to say when you feel like giving up, right? Although there maybe something that you may have missed. You have been so strong doing things on your own that you haven’t noticed that you are actually doing it. You are battling something that was meant for you. You are stronger than you think you are. You know why I think that? It’s because you have been through so much before and you came out even stronger than before.

Why do you think that you are not worthy? It’s saddening to hear yourself say that. If only you knew what I knew or see what I see. Then and only then would you truly believe in yourself? But if you did, would you actually believe in it?

I hope you do. I hope that one day you start to challenge yourself and you continue to challenge yourself every day. Not for others but for yourself. A proof that you need to prove to yourself that you are more than you think you are in this world.

I pray that you give yourself the grace or a break for doing all that you have done. The permission to forgive your past mistakes behaviors or actions. Give you’re doubts, your insecurities a rest to any judgements that you may think. While you’re at it if you feel others have doubts against you, bypass them and place them where they belong, in your past. Keep moving forward. Just know that nobody is perfect, and you shouldn’t always strive to be perfect for others. Strive to be perfect for yourself and only yourself.

If you do mess up on something, don’t feel bad about it, learn from it, use it. Learn how to not do it again and be wise to teach others as to what to look out for, if ever they are in a particular situation.

Always remember that you are only one person and that you do not have to do everything alone. Lay down your plate when it is too full to carry. Do at least one thing a day, for yourself, and be proud of it. No matter how small the accomplishment is.

Last but not least, don’t ever think that ‘taking time for yourself’ is selfish. Everybody needs to take time to reflect on themselves, sort of like a reboot on life.

So be kind to yourself. You only have one body, one mind, one life. Cherish what you have. If you don’t have it, by all means fight for it. Fight for what you want. You deserve to have a wonderful life, just like everyone else and don’t allow anyone to tell you any different.

With all of my heart keep going, don’t’ give up on yourself. If you need motivation, devout it to something special to you. A Child, a fur baby, write down your goals, your dreams. Just don’t ever give up on yourself. Believe in yourself that this will pass, and you will be happy again. The bad times never last forever. They are only a chapter of your life, not a life sentence.

Stay you and stay true.

Sincerely Me

Dear me,

Today is a raining day, now rain apparently represents sadness but for us it’s soothing. It’s said that rain lovers, like us, are sensitive… well I don’t know about that for me, but I do know that it is relaxing, and I enjoy watching it fall.

Many enjoy the smell of rain. The rhythm of how it falls, to most, is enjoyable as well. I have often just laid out in the rain and let it fall on me in its rhythmic way.

I have learned that people who find joy and peace during these rainy days are call pluviophile.

To us, the rain calms us down and soothes us to the point of a meditation state. Even the smell of rain, that earthy smell, to me, makes me believe that the earth is opening up. Wanting me to connect to it again. Now again, Iam no tree hugger but I love nature and all that it provides. If I had to choose between technology and nature, best believe nature would always win.

Even the rain on a metal roof can lull me to sleep. Bringing that sort of tranquility, brings me back to my native roots but that is for another time. Although a little snippet of my heritage, with the rain, we can learn to dance in it and enjoy its rhythm or we simply let the rain fall on us to wash away our past regrets.

Speaking of past regrets, that’s just it, it is in our past. Where it can stay. There is nothing that we can do to change it. So, there is no point in trying to hold on to it. All we can do is learn from it and move on. With the rain, let it flow from you and to the ground, so you may walk past it. When we do decide to make that move, to move forward, make sure to go all in, so you won’t have those regrets again.

Embrace the rain, embrace the change and love every moment of it. You’ll never know what will await you if you simply let go.

So, this is for you, my dear one. Let go of what hurts you and move on to bigger and better things. Not just because, but because you deserve it!

Sincerely you!

Let me know down below what you do to escape. What helps you to be calm when life gets to be too much?

I am sure that we all have lost someone that we loved dearly. Rather that be through a loss of a friendship, break up or even a death of a loved one. We all have had a lot of pent-up rage for them leaving, a heartache that they are really gone, like a piece of you is missing. Maybe even feel a little bit of guilt that you may have done something wrong, but you don’t know what you’ve done. How about the famous “what ifs?” or “what could I have done differently” thoughts.

Now how about, what can we do about those feelings? Some confronts the problem or person, some let it go and let it be till it “disappears”. What about the in between feelings. What if, it is better to just let it go? You know, shout it out, write it out, do some sort of exercise, listen to some music.

What I found to be most helpful was to write it out. Get out all of my feelings on to a piece of paper. I would either keep it stored away or burn it. I have a few friends that write music, some talk it out with me, to which I either give advice or just listen, depending on what they want. Some clean, and I really wished they would clean my house whenever they are down in the sadness, but I digress. The point is, if there is something that you enjoy and if you are sad or lost, use your enjoyment to help you get through your situation.

For example: I lost someone very dear and close to me and I have been racking my brain in trying to feel something normal again. With writing being my strong suit, I decided to write a letter, hoping that it would ease my inner wounds. And with time and a lot of letters, it did. Because nothing in our thought process ever goes away with just one session. You need to work at it until you feel its right to let go.

Within the letter I let it all come out, my feelings, memories, bargains, apologies etc. So, I wrote a little piece, just to give you an idea of what I mean.

Dear Grandmother,

I have conflictions of either being sad or angry at the confusion of why you are gone, baffles me. As to why you gave up and left the way you did. It made me angry. But then I somewhat understand as to why you chose to go which even makes me even more remorse and embarrassed of my own family.

I guess I wasn’t ready to let you go. That maybe selfish of me but I have to say that I really miss you. I miss the talks we had, the places we went, the things we did, all of it. Even if I do some of the things we use to do, it doesn’t feel complete. All because you are not there to do them with me.

The memories that I have brings tears to my eyes because I know that I will never experience the happiness that I had with you again.

I remember so much, and I guess that I just wish things didn’t end the way that they did.

Your last month’s here with us, we had a disagreement. With our family, our prides and anger issues get in the way of our judgement. With this family we never see eye to eye or get along, long enough to enjoy one evening, but you and I did. We found a way to tune everyone out and simply enjoy the gatherings.

I just want to say that I am sorry. I would give anything to just have one more day with you. To Tell you that I am sorry not only for me but for our family.

It may seem crazy, but I often dream of you. I dream of us at the fair where you used to work in the steak trailer. You’d have your dark green shirt and tan shorts with the dark green apron to match. You came out of the trailer and sat at a near bye bench, and we began our own conversation. Like we use too….

I hope that you are at peace, wherever you are at. If I have ever wronged you in any way, I am sorry and that I hope that you can forgive me.

Love always, your granddaughter.

I then end it with that and somehow, I feel that a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I also feel that she knows, or she heard my words and I like to think that she is smiling down at me and giving me small reassurance that she did hear them.

What do you do when you are stuck and feel loss? Tell me what you do down below. I’d love to hear about it.

Till then take care

Dear me,

I’ve noticed that you have been exhausted. Worried that you’re going to lose things like your car, house, mind, or most importantly and hopefully not, your kids.

Sure, money is tight, but you have been in harder places before, and you have always seemed to make it through to laugh about it later. Although through that hardship, regardless of what it was, you still made it. And so, you can do it again!

Yes, some of us may not be in our twenties anymore but we all had something that we didn’t have before. Do you remember what it was?

For me it was my daughter. She was my main focus, a goal per say, to stay in balance, in order to get my hussle on and do what I had to do. Everything I did, I did for her. Then when things were back in order, I rewarded myself.

So, what is it that you want to focus on to reach your goals to bring back the balance in your life? It can be anything, self-image of improvement, a dog, your own kid, a significant other, the possibilities are endless. So don’t feel that you are stuck on just one thing or that you have to pick one thing. You can have as many as you want! Whatever helps keep you motivated.

We all know that there are many opportunities out there, but we have to hunker down, get over our fears of failure and try something new and just do it.

Sure, you may not know a lot about computers or apps or even know where to start. The way I think about it is, that things will always change and you’re going to have to get over it and get on board or go down sinking with the ship. For some, that is what has to be done to get in gear of what needs to be done. We ourselves become our own life rafts. Only we can change what we want to do and when we want it to happen. We just have to sidestep out of our comfort zones or our fears and just enjoy learning something new to start something new.

In my eyes, you’ve already begun. Want to know how I know? It’s because you are here! This, right here, is the first step in wanting to do something about it. Getting the courage from a complete stranger, who believes in you, to help you take that next step.

So, what do you say? How about we shake off those fears and insecurities and get out there and show the world who we really are!

You got this!

Sincerely me